November 25, 2020

You see the woman walking down the street with the baby bump and it hits you:

Why her and not me?

Projecting jealousy and envy is your brain’s way of protecting the truth - you are  grieving the ability to conceive easily. Big feelings like sadness, sorrow, anger, and frustration are normal and warranted. You are a good person who is traveling a difficult family-building journey and it can seem that everyone around you is pregnant and is getting pregnant easily. You are happy for them and sad for you. This is sure to bring up some strong and conflicting emotions. 

Feel the feels.

Acknowledge your feelings and sit with them, no matter how uncomfortable they make you feel. Journal or write a letter to the pregnant people of the world (without sending it). Know that it is okay to sit with two conflicting feelings (happy for her, sad for me.) 

Talk it out with someone who gets it.

Join a support group or talk with a friend or family member who can empathize and not criticize. Speaking your truth is a step towards healing.

Send out well wishes.

Take 3 deep breaths and send positive thoughts to the pregnant lady:

“I wish you good health and a safe pregnancy.”

“I wish you peace and love in your pregnancy.”

“I wish you and your baby well.”

You may not know this woman’s story so refrain from making up “facts.” All you know is that she is pregnant. Could she have had her own struggles?

Send yourself well wishes.

Being triggered by a swollen belly is natural. Send yourself some extra loving kindness and compassion. No, you are not a bad person for thinking these things. You can take control of your thoughts and shift your mindset. Give yourself a hug. Put your hands over your heart, close your eyes and take some deep breaths repeating, “I am safe. I am loved. I am worthy. I am a good person.”

There is no such thing as a pregnancy limit. Just because she’s pregnant does not mean you can’t be too. Ground yourself in knowing that you can handle these situations and will only become an even better person for it.

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