Head Versus Heart

October 21, 2021

You receive another hard phone call. You shatter into a million pieces...again. Your head starts screaming at you to stop, that you can’t do this anymore and that you want off the crazy train. Your heart whispers “just one more time” and pleads with you to keep going. Your head and heart are constantly in conflict and you’re left confused and unsure of what to do.

The constant battling between the head and heart is valid, overwhelming and exhausting. There are so many decisions - big, life-or-death decisions - that are to be made during your family-building journey. Do you move to IVF or try one more IUI? Do you switch clinics? Do you change your protocol? Do you start to investigate donor egg? No wonder you're tired.

Your head’s main job is to keep you safe. It is objective. It reasons. It thinks. It weighs the pros and the cons of decisions in a practical, logical manner. It protects. And, it sometimes makes up mean stories - You’re not good enough, You deserve this, You will be a terrible mother anyway. 

And then there is your heart who gives you hope and love. It is where your greatest wishes lie in desire. It gives you a hug and tells you that you are courageous and worthy. 

So, who is right - head or heart? Obviously both play a critical role. It would be ludicrous to listen entirely only to one or the other, to always take the logical, practical, safer path of the head or consistently tapping into your heartstrings, feel the passion and go all in without worry of the consequences like your heart wants. 

You are so scared of making the wrong decision, but there is no right or wrong decision. There is only the best decision that you can make with the information that you have. 

So be kind to your head. Be kind to your heart. Know that they are there to work for you, not against you even though they may disagree. Lean into both with compassion, curiosity, understanding and trust that they are only here to help you. Listen. Find the balance. Lean into the truth. Be curious about what feels best for you. Offer yourself permission to acknowledge that perhaps all of the choices may suck. Which is the least sucky? The least invasive? The least hurtful? The most authentic to you? 

Trust your head. And your heart. They’ve got you.

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