Guest Blog by Dr. Anna Flores Locke - Why infertility, God?

February 19, 2022

Everything I believed in as a Catholic Latina was called into question.  I believed that if you were good, good things happened to you.  If you went to church and prayed, that God answered your prayers.  Yet, in my most dire time of my life and marriage, God was not answering my prayers.  It felt like God had forsaken me.  Where are you God when I need you the most?  - Excerpt from “Body Betrayal” by Dr Anna Flores Locke 

When you read that excerpt did you resonate with it?  Have you asked God, “why have my prayers for a baby gone unanswered?” Have you wondered if your past sexual behaviors and decisions caused God to curse you with infertility?  As someone who has a relationship with God, and struggled for years to conceive, I know I asked those questions. 

I struggled to understand why God was not granting me the blessing of a child, even though I was a good Catholic Latina - who was faithful, prayed, and lived life according to his will.  Why was God denying me my right to conceive, so I can meet my obligations as a woman, wife, and daughter?  I was disappointing myself, my husband, and my parents every month when my period came signalling that I failed to get pregnant.  Somehow, I must be doing something wrong to deserve this punishment.  

For those of us trying to conceive, infertility is a curse.  A punishment from God that we deserve for our transgressions - or so I thought.  Procreation is our God given right and mandate that we have from birth.  To have to struggle to achieve this goal is not a punishment from God, it is an opportunity.  It is an opportunity to grow closer to God and those we love.  It’s ok to be mad at God, and to express all your feelings to God.  God can handle them. God wants you to pour your heart out and be vulnerable.  Let it go.  Tell God your feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, anger, jealously, and fears.  Tell it.  Speak your truth.  

Infertility is not a curse from God, it is a blessing.  Fighting to have a baby puts you in a unique position to learn about your strengths, your resiliency, and your courage.  Infertility might be God’s way of showing you that you are stronger than you think.  Above all, infertility has connected you with a community of warriors who relentlessly pursue parenthood, and are here with you every step of the way. 

Visit Charlandra Counseling Services to learn more about Dr. Anna Flores Locke.

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